Natsuo's Thoughts
by Wicked Lovelace
Summary: Incomplete
1. Age 7

Disclaimer: I do not own. Warning: Boy love. Don't read if you don't like.

**Natsuo- Age 7**

When I first met Youji, I was five years old. That was two whole years ago from today. It's our two year anniversary. Nagisa-Sensei said I had to be very strong before I could meet Youji, that way I would be able to protect him well, my sacrifice. When I first entered the room all I could see was his mint colored hair. It's such a pretty color for him. His eyes were the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on besides him. Violet. They bore into mine and I knew it would be forever with him. He held a small plushie. "I'm Natsuo." "Youji." That just sealed the deal.

**Natsuo – Age 7 **

Today we burned a little girls arm to see what pain was. Since we can't feel and all. Youji was amazed at how the girls face changed and twisted in pain and fear. I couldn't take my eyes away from him. His eyes held such a wonder that made me wonder. He's so beautiful. When the tears came from the girl, he questioned what they were. "Tears, it's what people do when they hurt and feel pain." "Then, can we even cry?" he asks. I smile and brush his cheek. "You're crying now." He was crying without even realizing it. But what did he cry for? For something that we could never feel ourselves no matter how much we burned, sliced, stabbed our skin? I would if I knew how to.


	2. Age 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own...if I did you would know.**

**Youji:** No you wouldn't.

**Wicked: **wtf? where did you come from.

**Youji: **well since this isn't in MY pov I have to say something.

**Wicked:** oh then finish this up for me.

**Youji:** why would I do that? oh well...WARNING: boy love!! don't read if you don't like that...yeah.

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**Natsuo – Age 8 **

I love playing with Youji's hair. It's so pretty and I bet it feels so soft. I wish I could feel. Actually feel. Not this fake thing. If we ever can feel again, it'll be the first thing I reach out to touch. The shade of it really amazes me. How does it stay that mint color? It smells really good to, better than mine even though we use the same shampoo. I close my eyes and try to imagine what soft feels like.

I want to be able to tell him what soft is. I can't explain it and people don't know how to use words for it. I guess if someone asked us what it's like to feel nothing we would be the same right?

**Natsuo – Age 8**

I made Youji laugh, big time. I had no, idea a person could laugh that long either. The way his voice sounds when he laughs is my favorite song. It's a sweet melody. When he talks I can't stop listening, sometimes I'm scared I'll stop breathing. I have to hear every single word, every syllable. If I don't I would go insane. I have to remember everything about him I'll write it all down to.

But the biggest thing is that he hates sweets and apples. Every time I eat one he gets that look on his face to.

"This is what keeps us from being one…" he'll tell me. "But we'll always be together."

"Always and forever." I whisper back.

**Natsuo – Age 8 **

Five of Youji's favorite things. Top Five.

5. Soba.

4. Cuddling with me.

3. Taking a bath.

2. Listening to my heart beat.

1. Natsuo. (me?)

He told me number one is the most important thing ever. Me. He's my number one to, maybe even more than I am his. But that's okay just as long as we're together.

A/N: Sorry there so short but they are journal entries. They'll get longer don't worry. By the way...press that button that say GO.


	3. Age 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own loveless or its characters, if I did Youji would tell you.**

**Youji:** I really wouldn't.

**Wicked:** suuuree...whatever.

**Youji: **sorry everyone she sucks at writting this stuff, WARNING boy love! Don't read if you don't like.

**Wicked: **Bye! Here's Natsuo because he's cooler than Youji.

**Youji:** he is NOT!

**Wicked:** hmm...you're right you are -huggles-

**Youji:** -punches in the face- bako. On to the fic.

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**Natsuo – Age 9**

I don't ever want to lose a fight. Today I really cut it close. I froze up and I really don't understand why. Youji told me it was probably stress from all the extra training Nagisa-Sensei has us doing. I almost got Youji hurt. I never want to go through that again. Youji says it's supposed to be that way that a sacrifice is supposed to take damage, but I don't want to let him get hurt even though we can't feel. I want him to be able to be free always. If he ever gets hurt Nagisa-Sensei said that I would pay.

But I don't want to let Youji get hurt.

He is the most important person ever.

He's everything…

**Natsuo – Age 9**

Training was really hard today. I let Youji get struck with needles. It scared me so bad that I started shaking. He didn't feel a thing and just laughed and told me to hurry and finish it. The way Nagisa-Sensei watched me made me scared for my life almost. What if she tries to take Youji away? That's all I could think. A needle hit Youji right above the eyebrow and cut him. It'll scar, I just have that feeling.

Nagisa-Sensei took me outside to talk. I hate having to leave Youji alone waiting for me.

"You let Youji get hurt!" she slaps me and pulls out a knife.

"I warned you. You failed, now it's time to test if you really can feel pain."

I stand there as Nagisa-Sensei stabs me in my right eye. I don't feel a thing; everything just goes black in that eye. I only can see out of one now. I do feel something on my face and when I touch it, it's red. Blood. My blood.

This is what I deserve for letting Youji get hurt.

**Natsuo – Age 9**

When I wake up, Youji is sitting next to me in a hospital bed.

"How are you feeling?" he asks as soon as his eyes see mine open.

"Okay." I tell him. I don't hurt or anything. I touch my right eye. A patch is there. I look over at Youji. He looks close to tears. I shrug, this is what I get. It's not that hard seeing out of one eye anyway.

"Nagisa-Sensei told me what happened." Youji whispers. I grab his hand. "The doctor said you'd be okay, you just fainted when it happened. He said it could have been that you fainted from the sight of blood or pain or even loss of blood. But they said your fine and of course you can't feel pain so…do you faint at the sight of blood?" he asks me wondering.

"I doubt that. I've seen more blood than that." He nods. Who knows why I blacked out. I didn't even know I did until now. "How long have I been out?"

"Five hours." Youji lies down beside me cuddling up to my side. "You still have a really pretty green eye." He says tracing my cheek bone.

"You're eyes are better." I tell him. "A beautiful violet color." He snickers.

"I think you're doped up on something, this place must be getting to you." Youji blows in my ear and laughs as it moves on its own. "Cute." I watch as he studies me. I don't get why he's looking at me like that. "I don't want you to get hurt Natsuo." He whispers in my ear. "I need you here with me."

"I need you." I turn my head to face him. He nods and holds my hand.

"You should rest, that's what the nurse told me when I tried to wake you up." Youji scowls.

I laugh. I can picture Youji shaking me trying to get me up and then the nurse interfering, Youji screaming at the nurse. It's a really funny sight. I'd love to see it.

_A/N: Alright so I completely forgot to put up the disclaimer before so here it is : I'm really starting to like what I write. I already finished age ten but I haven't typed it up yep so sorry! Please review the GO button is lonely…_

_Youji: very lonely..._

_Wicked: if you love Youji you must review!_

_Youji: -pouts lips-_


	4. Age 10

**A/N:** Yeah I know it's really really short but oh well. Age 11 is really long and going to take me some time to put up.

_Youji:_ No it won't, you're just too lazy!

_Wicked:_ maybe…but I do have a full time job and a life right now.

_Youji:_ so?...

_Wicked:_ next time then!

_Youji:_ **Diclaimer : Wicked does not own us whatsoever she's only having her cruel fun with us!**

_Natsuo - Age 10_

We watched 'The Blue Lagoon' last night. It's an old movie from way back when, but for once in Youji's life he stopped talking and watched it. He seemed so drawn into it that I lost track of what was happening in the movie. But at one part Youji cracked up and drew me back to it. The boy went off to "play with himself".

"Hey Natsuo, would you do that?" he laughs at me. I know my face has probably turned red and Youji kisses my cheek.

"Would I have to?" I asked him playfully.

"Hmm….I dunno, lets test it!" he grinned that wicked grin that makes me shudder. I froze up for a second and don't say anything. His violet eyes stare me down and then he turned away.

"Oh what happened?" asking about the movie that's at a different scene. We sat in silence during the rest.

I wanted to reach out to him so bad then…

_Natsuo – Age 10_

I still can't stop thinking about what Youji said to me during the movie. What did he mean test it anyway? We do everything together. Share the same bed, eat meals, and take baths. I'm so used to being close to him, we were meant for each other.

_Natsuo – Age 10_

Youji and I held hands for the first time! We were walking outside after training and he pulled me so close to him I wanted to kiss him.

"Hold my hand Natsuo?" the way he asked no one could have said no even if you wanted to. He's so cute! Of course I could never tell him that he'd shoot me.

I wonder if he gets jealous when I call other things and people cute. Hm…

"Of course!" I told him and we walked like that for hours. I imagined his hand so warm and soft as we walked. Our hands fit together perfectly. What is this weird feeling called? I think its called love. Can I really love Youji?

When we did get home I noticed that on each of our hands there was a fingerprint bruise from holding too tight. It makes me smile everytime I look at it.

**Thank you so much for the reviews guys! I love you all to death hands out youji and natsuo shaped cookies**


	5. Age 11 Part 1

_Wicked: Sorry for the wait, I've had a really busy time right now with band camp._

_Youji: Liar you've had plenty of time._

_Wicked: No I've been really busy. Really. Anyway I'm dived eleven into two parts because I'm evil. I hope to have the rest up soon. _

_Youji: which means a month from now._

_Wicked: It's your fault and Mello's, you both just won't leave me alone!_

_Mello: I didn't do anything. –holds gun to head- just write that fic about me now._

_Wicked: -sweats- Youji please?_

_Youji: Wicked does not own us and never will. We belong to our creator. Oh and it contains boy love._

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**Natsuo – Age 11**

At lunch today Youji asked me why people kiss. I really don't know so I made something up. "To express there love?" I said. It sounded more like a question to me but of well. Youji frowned at me.

"How does it _feel_?" He wasn't satisfied with my answer.

"I don't know. I never kissed anyone." I told him but I didn't even realize I was stroking his hair. Youji just sighs. I know he had more questions, that's just how he is. "What?" I asked.

"How do you think it feels then?" Youji looked at me with those eyes awaiting my answer. I really didn't know what to tell him. I really wanted to tell him how much I love staring at him.

"Um…I think it would make you really happy and feel warm inside. What about you?" I had asked not wanting to feel stupid.

"Like magic." His eyes grew big. "Like there's nothing else in the whole world, the most important thing is kissing that person. It'd be like letting lose hundreds of butterflies in your stomach and you never want the moment to end." Youji finishes quickly and looks away his face turning red.

It was so amazing what he thought of it. You hardly ever get to see this side of Youji. It's so cute. But if I told him that he'd just roll his eyes. I can't say anything so I just bit my lip hoping that I don't bite into it like usual. But as if God wanted to prove me wrong what happens?

"You're bleeding." Youji tells me. See what I mean? But he reaches over and wipes the blood off my lip. I closed my eyes at that moment wishing I could have felt his hand. All I could sense was something was there.

"Natsuo are you okay?" he asked me. "You never act like this." I looked at him. What did he mean I never act like this? How was I acting?

"What do you mean?"

"Well…I'm used to your eyes on me. But you keep looking away" he looked away from me quickly then. I wasn't looking at him? Huh…I didn't notice. But his face is red. I want to tell him how cute his face is when it's red.

"I was just thinking." I told him and laid my head on his shoulder and let myself breathe in his sweet scent.

As I write this I can't stop wondering what it would be like to kiss him. What would it really feel like? Would it feel like magic like Youji said? I think it would.

**Natsuo – Age 11**

"Natsuo wake up!" That's the first thing I always wake up to in the morning, but it's still dark when I did open them.

Youji has these spells once a month where he can't sleep at all. I always wonder what's going on in his head to make him stay awake like this. I know he's tired but he's restless. I usually just hold him but last night was very different.

When I opened my eyes, Bam! there he was sitting on top of me. How the hell did I not notice that? I still haven't a clue. I just stared at him unable to say anything.

Youji had this smirk on his face. That smirk that makes you want to crumble. I couldn't help myself this time; I just let my hands fall on his waist gently. I love being like this with him.

"Do you?" he asks. I have no idea what he's talking about.

"What?" I didn't even know how to respond, heck I could take that so many different ways.

"Want to try?" I still didn't understand what he was talking about. He laughs when I just lay there. His face is so perfect; I memorize how it looks in the dark. I can still make out the white scar on his eyebrow.

"Kissing." He says. I smiled.

"'Course." Youji moved his face close to mine. He stared down at me and then blushed.

"How do you…?" he mumbles. I laughed at that. But I don't know either.

"You just do it. I don't know."

"I know but, what do I do?"

"Haven't you seen the movies?" I rolled my eyes at him playfully.

Youji just glared at me. "This isn't a movie Natsuo! Stop living in the TV realm!"

TV realm, what the fuck? I cracked up and started laughing like crazy. Youji glares at me his lip poking out a little.

"Plus they don't laugh in movies!" he huffed and crossed his arms. It makes me smile.

"But this isn't a movie!" I mimicked him.

"Shut up."

"Nope."

"I'm going to kill you…"

"Do it." I smirked knowing he wouldn't dare.

But instead of the assault I was prepared for Youji presses his lips to mine. I was shocked but it felt great. His lips parted and my tongue slid in like it had a mind of its own. How is this happening? That's all I could think. I could feel my heart pounding and I could taste him. He tasted like oranges.

After what seemed like forever we both pull away for air. I wanted to cry, I craved so much more. Youji laid down next to me.

"Well what did you feel?" he asked.

"Everything." That's all I could get out.

"Me too." He whispered against my neck. Youji fell asleep but I didn't, I lay awake unable to sleep for once in my life.

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_Wicked: Oh and please review! I hope to have part two up as soon as I have time to finish writting it._

_Mello: Which will be a good while from now, since she's writting my fanfiction soon. Right? -holds gun up again-_

_Wicked: Yep!_

_Youji: I hate you both._

_Mello: You're just jealous. _

_Wicked: Bye!_


End file.
